i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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