So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
