perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
