Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
