Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
