last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
