Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
