so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
