i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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