I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
