you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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