TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
