it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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