he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
