There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
