with your own penis?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
