This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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