Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
