What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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