Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
