I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
