There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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