Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
