Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
