my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's even glitter on my cock...
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