it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
