i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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