she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
