She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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