Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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