soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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