halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
