no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
