Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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