She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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