I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
