Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
