I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There are leaves in my underwear?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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