Yo dont text me then not text me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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