You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
