Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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