you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
you made out with another girl for some wings
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
