i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
