We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
