When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
