Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
