i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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