Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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