barbara walters just said penis...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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