There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
