Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
