I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
