my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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