his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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