Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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