I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
